Home > Daily Delectables > Tina Fey Tackles Motherhood In Single Letter

Tina Fey Tackles Motherhood In Single Letter

Came across something fantastically interesting a little while ago and I admit the thought of sharing it did cross my mind.

Then the selfishness commonly associated with playing with your best toy when noone else is around or keeping a fabled magical ring to yourself at the detriment of middle-earth, set in. Childish is an understatement but what can I say I need help.

Needless to say I resisted the duty to share for as long as possible before a sudden bout of selflessness crippled the desire to keep this to myself. So here goes.

Presenting Tina Fey, former SNL writer and current star of sitcom 30 Rock. This is an excerpt from her book (PG) Bossypants which can be found on Amazon.


A Mother’s Prayer For Her Child

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.


-Tina Fey


HT: Melody Godfred

Impressions? Additions? Let us know in the comments below.

  1. May 7, 2011 at 6:16 PM

    Tina Fey always has something funny to say, though. I always try to catch 30 Rock, because it’s HILARIOUS! That and watch reruns of SNL

    • May 7, 2011 at 7:58 PM

      30 Rock is most definitely a staple when it comes to humour. Hope you can come back and check out more of our stuff soon. Subscribe and make life simpler.

  2. May 7, 2011 at 6:15 PM

    hehe that’s some funny stuff

  3. May 4, 2011 at 11:37 AM

    Appreciate that Words Asunder. Tina Fey turned a simple prayer into rivetting comedy. If thats not talent, I do not know what is.

  4. May 4, 2011 at 2:48 AM

    Well I’m not the religious sort, but I do love your prayer :)

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: