One Week Hiatus

Fellow laughers and TDS consumers we regret to inform you that we will be off the radar for the following week.

After the delivery of some untimely electric bills we look to be disconnected for the foreseeable future. But never fear we will soon be back here.

Hope you can cope without us for the next few days and if you are struggling with any withdrawal symptoms you can always keep listening back to older content. Don’t worry no one will think you are pathetic!

With much ‘laugh’ and sarcastic applause,

The Daily Segway.

Categories: Announcements Tags: ,

High Fives Hurt!

The high five. Something so simple that has often been made complex.

An act that has the power to renew and reassure a spirit just as much as it can discard and destroy a soul. When it works, one of the sweetest feelings on this earth, but when it fails, “paper bag over your face” time!

Here we have prepped some of those “paper bag over your face” moments. Enjoy.

Ouch… Now thats a pep rally if I ever did see one.

Someone please reach out to this enthusiastic young man in any possible way. He deserves it!

The look on the mascot’s face says it all. “Whose gonna get a high-five? I am, I am, I am….. I am not :(

He later went on to admit he was joining the crowd in a good old Mexican wave. Sure thing Al. Whatever you say buddy.

Thoughts? Horror stories? Let us know in the comments below.

Categories: The Highlight Reel Tags: ,

Mystified and Dumbfounded! The Very True Story of a Man Living Two Lives.

Let me begin by issuing a retraction. What am I retracting?

Well in my most recent post we delved into some of my childhood memories. Namely my deep-seated psychological difficulty ridding my innermost thoughts of the distressing sounds of a “Michael Bolton saxophone solo”.

So I guess I was wrong.

To kind of quote an ex US President, “indeed I did mistake the once popular saxophonist Kenny G for the also once-popular recording artist Michael Bolton. This was not appropriate. In fact it was wrong. It constituted a remarkable lapse in judgement and a personal failure to differentiate on my part, for which I am solely and completely responsible“.

Now that we have that tedious public admission out-of-the-way let us get to defending what is a common mistake.

In your ‘brave’ googling I am sure you have thought me ridiculous or even silly for making such a blunder. But before you crucify me for my misjudgment give me a chance to convince you that I am not as silly as you think (Although I may be sounding paranoid right now, you have no right to judge me for it. Darn! That came off sounding paranoid too, you say? Doh!)

First, let’s go to the photographic evidence. Motion to an imaginary assistant to queue the presentation. Read more…

Area Man’s Discontent Almost Turns Violent: 5/11

Michael Bolton Back From… “Where was he Again?”

If you are not familiar with the “Skit-kings” that are the lonely island, you should be.

The group entertain the masses as a trio of fake MCs as they parody TV, culture and music through a number of hilarious musical numbers. They churned out classics such as “Like a Boss“, “I’m on a Boat” and “Jizzed in my pants” in their first studio project.

But now they give us the joy and humour of a second studio album. Too good to be true, you say?

Well it isn’t. Here is their latest project featuring the one and lonely Michael Bolton.

I never thought in my wildest nightmares that Michael Bolton would ever be hip again, but I guess I was very wrong.

It seems the old dog has a few tricks left in him yet, besides a mean saxophone solo that is. Oh how my childhood was tormented by the evil beauty of that saxophone solo (Get out of my head already Bolton!)

Thoughts? Ideas? Repressed memories? Let us know in the comments below.

(P.S. As blogging is said to be very therapeutic expect us to delve into these childhood memories in more detail soon)

Electrical Fan Sparks Mass Hysteria After Complaining of Dizziness: 5/10

US Intel Takes Advantage of Social Media

As we are sure you are all wondering. This is exactly how the US military came upon the unsuspecting Osama Bin Laden last week.

In yet more surprising information that has come out of this incident, the below image captured Bin Laden’s relaxed attitude in the face of his impending demise.

Can we really trust our social media accounts? Are they another way of keeping tabs on the unsuspecting public? Let us know in the comments below.